Where do broken hearts go? Can they find their way home?

arttfnotloveSick of nursing that broken heart over and over again? I feel  you. Well, actually I don’t because I’ve only had one broken heart so far and it sucked but at least it only happened once! I can’t imagine being like GiGi from “He’s Just Not That Into You” and always dealing with rejection because you feel in love or wanted desperately to fall in love. I’ve always said falling in love is for the birds. Unless, of course, it lasts! The way couples divorce these days, I’m not convinced we still know how to make it last. Too many distractions? Too many aspirations? Too many unrealistic expectations? Too selfish? I don’t know. But there are ways to avoid falling in love all together. At least, that’s what Judy McGuire thinks in her The Frisky article. Here is her advice to avoid falling in love.

1. Date only the wildly inappropriate: If you’re an early riser, date a party boy who’ll turn your mornings into misery. If you’re a Sporty Spice, trawl the local comic books store and land yourself a sweet dork who couldn’t arm-wrestle his way out of a Mylar bag (that’s what they store comics in, FYI). Eventually, the novelty of dating The Other will wear off, and you’ll be single again, but without any of the heartache that usually accompanies breakups.

2. Take up recreational complaining: Whine about your health, your stress level, your childhood, the meal you just ate. If it exists, you can put a negative spin on it.

3. Pair the bitching and moaning with bragging: If you’re artful enough, you can combine the two. “I’m so tired because I was out all night at a totally hot new restaurant, fending off some guy named Josh … something … Hartnett? Anyway, apparently he’s an actor. I don’t know because I don’t own a television. I’m far too busy with my literature to watch movies.”

4. Develop an annoying catchphrase and use it constantly: Why? “Cause I’m a GIRL!” or “Catch ya on the flipside!” are fairly effective man deterrents to call into play if a date is going too well. Extra points if you can combine it with an obnoxious hand gesture.

5. If, God forbid, you find yourself starting to really like a guy, pick out his negative traits: Believe me, even Mr. Right has a little wrong. It can be anything — his pecs might be too firm, his taste in cinema could be too smart, or maybe he’s just too good looking. I mean, who wants to go out with someone prettier than you?

If you look hard enough, you’ll find something. Then, every time you start to fall, you can stop yourself by focusing on his ragged cuticles or sometimes-difficult-to-decipher French accent.


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